What you most Desire
by Ichiume
Summary: What had he thought it could be? What had he thought it would be? What did Taishakuten think as he came to realize what his promise meant? [Taishakuten/Ashura-ou]


Taishakuten didn't understand at first, the look in Ashura-ou's half-lidded eyes when he murmured "if that is what you wish…" 

The days after he had said "You" with his heart thumping uncharacteristically loud in his throat, had been a whirlpool of desire and bliss so keen that it left an almost bitter aftertaste in his mouth, beneath the sharp sweet scent of Ashura-ou, as though reminding him that this could never last forever. 

He ignored it, drowning in the headiness that was Ashura-ou.

He didn't care that he had to fulfil a promise to receive this…reward – that his love was bought, a small voice whispered in his mind. To him, Ashura-ou was an existence that he could only have longed after from afar, that sleek grace and beautiful misted golden eyes that could seem to see straight into your being should you be the unfortunate soul they focus upon. When the Tentei had asked him for his reward for destroying the Mazoku, it had taken him all he had to keep that neutral confident smirk on his face and ask for a duel with Ashura-ou. And when their swords sang, Taishukuten thought he could die happy, and he thought, he thought that perhaps Ashura-ou too could hear the harmony he felt in the dance of their swords.

And then after… that Ashura-ou would come to him, to confide in him, to contract a promise and trust him to fulfil it…that was enough for him.

And to be able to have Ashura-ou…that was…

It wasn't long after that he had to leave to start his rebellion.

Bishamonten had always been loyal to him, though his request for Kisshouten had surprised him, but his doomed love for her had reminded Taishukten a little too keenly of his own, and he could not have said no. His General Souchoten was even easier to win over, his straightforwardness and desire to make the realm a better place an easy motivation to the destruction of the current reign. His choice for Komokuten was harder and one of his later choices, but he too proved to be useful in weaselling out the information he needed to advance quickly.

Not that he needed any more additional spies, after Shashi decided to join his side.

When Bishamonten first brought her in to stand before his seat, her clad in scandalously sheer fabric wrapped around her body and prostrating beautifully on the ground, he felt the bile and disgust rising in his throat and wanted nothing more than to bury his sword hilt-deep into her wretched body.

But that body would be the one to bear Ashura-ou's cursed child, the child he was to watch, and he needed her to make sure that Ashura's seal was not broken.

So he took her in, even marrying her to make sure no else could claim her, and made use of the information she eagerly gave him to capture Zenmi-jo.

He didn't know what to expect – he didn't know what he thought he expected, perhaps he'd always thought that after he'd conquered the realm, Ashura-ou would be able to be with him as a captive, a prisoner of war.

The Tentei's army was ridiculously easy to mow down. The four heavenly generals were so unprepared and lax due to the many thousand years of peace and burdened by their own personal problems that they fell, one by one, like flies in the rain.

Before he knew it, he was standing at the gates of Zenmi-jo, his army fighting outside behind him, and him alone with his sword on the very steps he'd fought that beautiful duel, facing Ashura-ou.

His eyes had drank in that elegant form, his skin remembering the toned body hidden beneath the plates of hardened metal that he'd last touched so many moons past.

"All of Zenmi-jo's forces have fallen," he told Ashura-ou. "It's only you and the Tentei left."

He watched as those golden eyes half-open slowly as they always do.

"I see…"

He waited.

"…then this will be my last wish, Raijin Taishakuten."

Then those eyes snap open, blazing gold as did the sword that leapt from the palm of his hand in a gust of energy so strong that it sent Taishakuten's blood racing in his veins in response.

The ground shook and debris was flying in the air, and Taishakuten barely had time to raise Raikoutou before Ashura-tou was meeting her in a singing clash, then the exhilaration of battle was all that filled his mind as he leapt and struck and blocked as did he with Ashura-ou that day in this very place, surrounded by many faceless courtiers of the Heavenly Court.

But it was different. Ashura-ou's strength was overwhelmingly different. As Taishakuten blocked another blow, he could not help thinking, "He's strong! Is this the power of the real Ashura that even Ashura-ou is afraid of?"

With a screech from Raikoutou, he managed to disengage the blow and stood panting a few meters away. His eyes narrowed as he prepared for the next glorious flurry even as he ignored the drops of blood trickling down his cheek.

"Kill me and eat my body."

Perhaps the world stopped then.

The wind was whipping their hair and their cloaks, sweeping them out like banners in the wind.

But aside from that, there was not a sound.

Taishakuten could not even hear his heart-beat.

"If the paths of the stars cannot be changed…before my son becomes the god destruction, I want you to kill him."

Ashura-ou's voice could not be clearer across the distance between them.

But why could he not seem to understand?

"And for that, you need strength."

Strength.

A faint memory of a night after their coupling.

Ashura-ou had told him that the gift of prophecy and the strength that came with that gift could be consumed, literally, by eating the flesh of the beholder. But even Taishakuten knew that that path was a Jyaten, an unforgiveable. For how could a god eat of another god's flesh?

The wind whipped his hair into his face again, and he stand uncomprehending into Ashura-ou's steady golden eyes.

How could Ashura-ou ask this of him?

Did he not promise that he would be able to have him?

Did he not know that he loved him?

Another memory.

The wisp of fine black hair between his fingers lifted to his lips and the bliss of the only warm body he had ever wanted beneath his skin.

"I will spill the blood of thousands…so I could keep my promise to you."

A quiet corridor.

"I will do whatever it takes to get what I want."

A murmur.

"And what do you want?"

…

"You."

It was pain. Realization, betrayal. Pain, fury, despair, pain pain pain as he gripped Raikoutou, raising her above his head.

His throat was so tight he couldn't speak, could't shout, couldn't but he felt lightning gather around him as a cloak, running over Raikoutou and his arms in a familiar crackling caress.

He ran, the world before him a blinding while, towards the solitary golden figure who raised his sword slowly.

Late. Too late.

He didn't feel moisture leaving his eyes, and when he could see, his eyes were dry.

Too dry.

His body was pressed tight against Ashura-ou, like so many nights before, only with no armou then. His hand was still tight-gripped around Raikoutou and Raikoutou was buried inside Ashura-ou, the other cruel shining end a mockery dripping red, dripping dripping.

Ashura-ou did not groan, but his body slid as though his strength left him and Taishakuten let go of Raikoutou numbly, the first time in his life on a battlefield, and held him. Held him as tightly as he could as the red dripped and covered his hands and body, looked into that beautiful face as the colour slowly bled out, slowly, slowly.

And as though feeling his gaze on him, those golden eyes opened to look at him, and they were clouded with pain, but they were content, Taihshakuten saw, his heart clenching.

_Content_.

Then Ashura-ou's lips were curving into the faintest of smiles as he watched, and his voice was the faintest whisper that carried to his ear.

"Everything I have…is all yours now."

Taishakuten didn't know how long he stayed there with Ashura-ou in his arms.

It could be minutes, hours or days.

The battle raged on outside and Tentei was waiting for him inside, but all he felt was cold.

He didn't know if he could ever feel anything again.

But he had a promise.

A promise he had to keep.

His eyes were unseeing as they ran over Ashura-ou's face one last time and then he reached and pulled, – a sickening wrench –, bringing flesh to his lips.

He could feel the skin on his forehead moving as he chewed, his mouth filled with blood, something reaching into his flesh and twisting, molding, hurting.

Then he could see, better than he ever could, see into the past, see into the future, see things that he never knew existed.

But he didn't care.

He felt cold. Cold, cold, cold.

Because it is the most painful existence to live alone in a world without the one you love.

…_Raijin Taishakuten_

_What do you want?_

…

"You."

* * *

Author's note:

So my first ever fanfiction! I do apologize for the formatting. I wanted to do more paragraphing, but this doc manager thing still confuses me tons.

Anyhows...

I'm not a particularly big fan of shounen-ai or yaoi, but the tragic promise between Taishakuten and Ashura-ou simply killed me. Did Taishakuten know what Ashura-ou was asking of him when he swore that promise? Did Ashura-ou know what Taishakuten really meant when he said "you"? Did Ashura-ou even love Taishakuten?

My interpretation is actually "no, yes and…I don't know". As a fangirl, I would like to say "yes" for the last one, and this leads me to **"And to See Him Smile" by Myranda Kalis**, the best and I say BEST Taishakuten/Ashura-ou fanfiction I've seen out there. But honestly, the chances seem…very slim. o()o

Nonetheless, hope you guys enjoyed the read! We really need more Taishakuten/Ashura-ou fanfiction out there. :)


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